"Daddy, will you die someday?"

Sunday August 10th 2025, brownies in the oven.

My four year old son wanted to watch a movie this afternoon when it started raining over lunchtime. His history of movie watching isn't terribly extensive - he's seen the gentler side of the Studio Ghibli ouevre plus a handful of family viewing fare - but I'm trying to work with him on getting more into movies so I encouraged the idea. He said no to Ponyo, turned down Kiki's Delivery Service, and we finally settled on The Secret Garden.

On the surface it's an odd one, but he's seen it once or twice before with his mom - it's one of her favorites - and it seemed like a nice "big kid movie" for he and I to watch together. He was engaged, an active viewer, and had many many questions... mostly about death.

Death has been on his mind lately, mostly as understood through the lens of finding dead bugs on the playground or trying to grapple with the idea of mortality in general. We get a lot of questions about what happens to animals who have died, why did they die... But today was fresh territory when he saw Mary's parents die in a fire and she was sent to live with her uncle.

"Did her mom and dad die?"

"Yeah bud. It's sad."

"Will they come back?

"No.... They're gone." He went silent at that, gears turning, and I knew the question that was coming even before he turned to me, eyes full of tears.

"Will YOU die?"

"Someday. But not for a really, long time." Another long pause.

"But why will you die?"

"Well, everything that's alive dies someday."

"Will I die?!" Watching your four year old son make the logic leaps from the notion of 'death' to realizing their own mortality is heartbreaking and I tried to stumble through an answer.

"Yeah, I mean, someday... But not for a really really REALL-"

"And seagulls?" Seagulls have been big for this kid lately.

"Uh. Yeah. They're alive too." He nodded gravely at this, the notion of seagull death having fully pushed out thoughts of his own.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah daddy. Why's that boat so big?" And so we moved on. There are so many moments like that, as a parent, that you worry you're scarring your child. Or saying the things that they'll be bringing up in therapy years down the road. And all you can do is your best. And if seagulls are what help us dismount and be okay with the concept of death, then I guess that's what we go with.

-e

And you see kids; that's why you always get insurance.

Monday June 23rd, 2025 (my birthday!), having an after-lunch coffee.

This past Friday I celebrated Midsummer's Eve by dropping my son's soccer ball into the Baltic Sea and, when trying to retrieve it, slipping and falling straight into the water along with my cellphone.

I had mentally and emotionally accepted the idea that I would be paying out of pocket for a replacement and picked up a new phone on my way to work this morning.

However, when I was setting up the new phone I remembered - I had paid for AppleCare+.

Now for some context, I worked for an Apple Store for three years. And in my time there, AppleCare was something of a joke. It covered bad batteries, faulty screens, factory defects... but for loss or damage, the owner was shit out of luck. I have hours of memories of disappointed or angry customers telling me how useless AppleCare is.

But, more on a whim than anything else, I decided to try messaging Apple to see if there was anything they could even do; even just a bit of reimbursement or a better price. My hopes, however, were low. I'm technically still a United States region Apple user living in Finland, there's all sorts of loopholes they could probably exploit to not help me...

And yet! The wonderful person on the other side of the chat said not only could they help me, they could send me a brand new replacement free of charge.

So, a goddamn happy birthday to me! I just need to survive a few days without a phone, but I probably needed a detox anyway. What a delightful surprise.

-e

The Beatles

June 18th, 2025 - Having some coffee on a warm Wednesday morning

Most of my life I've had what I'd describe as an "agnostic" relationship to The Beatles. I wouldn't have called myself a "Beatles Fan" but I've understood that they were significant, knew the basic lore, knew all the greatest hits, etc. etc.

So when I put on Peter Jackson's "Get Back" docu-series a few weeks back I never expected it to grab me as deeply as it did. Weeks later I still find myself thinking back on it, I've been listening to Beatles music more, appreciating them, wanting to read more biographies...

I think the magical element for me was that the documentary, with its miraculously cleaned-up footage, managed to present these guys not as totemic figures of the musical landscape... but as just four really talented dudes in their 20s making music together. It made them feel accessible and human in a way that their mega-famous pop culture footprint never does.

Anyway, I highly recommend the documentary, and also The Beatles. Have you listened to them? Really great stuff, man.

-e

June?!

June 4th, 2025 - Wednesday Afternoon, Pre-Lunch Antsiness

Can't believe it's June already. Been busy times at Remedy, busy times on the freelance projects, kid not sleeping well because of the Helsinki summer sun... just busy, busy, busy in general.

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I'll be 37 years old; how insane is that? Almost 20 years since I graduated highschool, 12 years since I met my wife, 15 years that I've been working as a writer... absolutely bananas.

Aging doesn't bother me that much, though I do find it crazy sometimes trying to wrap my head around how many years I've been accumulating memories and just... living.

I started reading a book called "Supercommunicators" this week to try and learn something about being a better communicator. Really interesting stuff, and an interesting mirror of what a not-great communicator I've become in recent years.

When I was in LA I think I could get away with being a subpar communicator and conversationalist because there were so many amazing talkers there. But here in Finland my flaws and shortcomings in those avenues are starting to show because, well, on the whole there is NOT a great culture of talking and communication here, so there's a lot more slack I need to carry.

So we'll see if I can't improve my communication skills a bit; it's a process.

-e

Vroom Vroom!

May 22nd, 2025 - Thursday Afternoon, Post-Lunch Slump

Found a bit more time to tinker with Godot this week and made this funny little top-down driving prototype:

It's funny, I'm not a car guy at all, but the more I've thought about a little game I'd like to make, the more I'm drawn to a simple driving game.

It's a combination of factors, really. I don't have to animate them, I do enjoy the aesthetics of 70s concept cars, and it feels like I could make just traversing the world fun.

So for now I'm going to push on this and see if I can make a lil' car and a lil' world to drive it around in. I'm calling it "WheelLands" for now. The goal would be to make "Mad Max" but with "Out Run" aesthetics and vibes.

We'll see.

-e