What's "Indie" mean anyway?

December 15th, 2025 - Dark drizzly afternoon

One of the big game releases of this year that took the industry and gamers both by surprise was Sandfall Interactive's debut title Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. It was big, it was lush, it was beautifully made, and it came from a team that no one had ever heard of before. As the word spread, as the love and fandom for it grew, people became fascinated by the drips of its backstory that were coming out - "It was made by a team of only 30 people!" "It was made for only $10M!" - and it was quickly pedestalized as an antithesis to the "AAA Bloat" that has been plaguing the industry in recent years.

And then just as quickly, sentiment soured. Turned. Discourse started. People were quick to point out that, in spite of claims of a team of 30, the credits had 400 people listed. The $10M budget attracted scrutiny as napkin math-crunching folks guesstimated the numbers. Were these claims lies? Fabrications? Why? Does it matter?

"Indie game" is something that means less and less with every passing year, losing meaning even faster than "indie music." My favorite definition I saw was a tongue-in-cheek YouTube comment: "Indie means a game I like that you haven't heard of."

Regardless of what it all means, what definitions are, I would love to live in a world with the narrative that a little team of 30 could make an industry-shaking game for less than $10M. So regardless of how true it all is, I'd like to believe in it because it's the kind of games I'd like to be making someday.

-e

Christmas is on the way

December 10th, 2025 - Afternoon coffee

Hard to believe another Christmas is already on the way. Our fourth one since having a child. So fun to be seeing the Christmas season through his eyes; the excitement, the wonder, the never-ending questions about the lore of Santa and how he operates... Christmas has always been a bit stressful for me in the past; taking care of shopping, figuring out how to visit all the people I want to visit, but I'm trying to embrace the joy that my son is feeling about everything and focus on that.

So much of my 2026 is up in the air right now, and I'm trying to focus on feeling excited about that too.

-e

Quiet On The Surface

November 21st, 2025 - Waiting for an appliance delivery at home

We had our dryer die on us a few weeks back. It had been struggling for months; stopping early, making big groaning sounds of protest with even the lightest loads of laundry, but I sort of hoped it would pass. It, in fact, did not pass, but rather fully kicked the bucket on me when I tried to dry a load of my son's wet outdoor clothes only to have it just... not start. The timer still counted down, it still thought it was drying, it even beeped happily at the end of the ghost cycle, but the poor thing was still and cold the whole time.

Luckily my landlord acted fast, got a new one ordered, a delivery time was set for today... and I have been sitting here for two hours like an idiot as the window came and went with zero call from the delivery people yet. Maddening. Especially because I have places I would've really rather been than stuck working at home this afternoon.

I've been extremely busy at work lately - both the day job and the contract work - but in a very strange state of not being able to publically talk about or point to anything yet. As someone who lived and died by his freelancing for years, it's an odd feeling and constantly makes me worry that the work will dry up. In truth, I'm also just really proud of what I'm doing, and the teams that I'm working on are doing, and want to share it with the world. And hopefully I'll be able to soon. For now I just need to sit here impatiently waiting.

-e

Goodbye, you beautiful floof.

November 4th, 2025 - A few minutes to spare before lunch.

We sadly lost our cat Milo yesterday morning and I'm quite devastated about it. She was a loving, sweet member of our family and, even though she was the tiniest one in the house, she has left a massive hole that right now feels a million miles wide.

I'm a morning person and, for over a decade, she has been an indeliable part of my morning routine. Whether it was sitting on my lap while reviewing script notes (as pictured) back in our California apartment, watching while I made coffee in our Rhode Island farm house, or screaming for her turn at being fed while I made my son's breakfast, she's always been there.

This morning was the first one without her and it hurt. Probably will for a while. Miss you, sweet bean.

-e

"Daddy, will you die someday?"

Sunday August 10th 2025, brownies in the oven.

My four year old son wanted to watch a movie this afternoon when it started raining over lunchtime. His history of movie watching isn't terribly extensive - he's seen the gentler side of the Studio Ghibli ouevre plus a handful of family viewing fare - but I'm trying to work with him on getting more into movies so I encouraged the idea. He said no to Ponyo, turned down Kiki's Delivery Service, and we finally settled on The Secret Garden.

On the surface it's an odd one, but he's seen it once or twice before with his mom - it's one of her favorites - and it seemed like a nice "big kid movie" for he and I to watch together. He was engaged, an active viewer, and had many many questions... mostly about death.

Death has been on his mind lately, mostly as understood through the lens of finding dead bugs on the playground or trying to grapple with the idea of mortality in general. We get a lot of questions about what happens to animals who have died, why did they die... But today was fresh territory when he saw Mary's parents die in a fire and she was sent to live with her uncle.

"Did her mom and dad die?"

"Yeah bud. It's sad."

"Will they come back?

"No.... They're gone." He went silent at that, gears turning, and I knew the question that was coming even before he turned to me, eyes full of tears.

"Will YOU die?"

"Someday. But not for a really, long time." Another long pause.

"But why will you die?"

"Well, everything that's alive dies someday."

"Will I die?!" Watching your four year old son make the logic leaps from the notion of 'death' to realizing their own mortality is heartbreaking and I tried to stumble through an answer.

"Yeah, I mean, someday... But not for a really really REALL-"

"And seagulls?" Seagulls have been big for this kid lately.

"Uh. Yeah. They're alive too." He nodded gravely at this, the notion of seagull death having fully pushed out thoughts of his own.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah daddy. Why's that boat so big?" And so we moved on. There are so many moments like that, as a parent, that you worry you're scarring your child. Or saying the things that they'll be bringing up in therapy years down the road. And all you can do is your best. And if seagulls are what help us dismount and be okay with the concept of death, then I guess that's what we go with.

-e

And you see kids; that's why you always get insurance.

Monday June 23rd, 2025 (my birthday!), having an after-lunch coffee.

This past Friday I celebrated Midsummer's Eve by dropping my son's soccer ball into the Baltic Sea and, when trying to retrieve it, slipping and falling straight into the water along with my cellphone.

I had mentally and emotionally accepted the idea that I would be paying out of pocket for a replacement and picked up a new phone on my way to work this morning.

However, when I was setting up the new phone I remembered - I had paid for AppleCare+.

Now for some context, I worked for an Apple Store for three years. And in my time there, AppleCare was something of a joke. It covered bad batteries, faulty screens, factory defects... but for loss or damage, the owner was shit out of luck. I have hours of memories of disappointed or angry customers telling me how useless AppleCare is.

But, more on a whim than anything else, I decided to try messaging Apple to see if there was anything they could even do; even just a bit of reimbursement or a better price. My hopes, however, were low. I'm technically still a United States region Apple user living in Finland, there's all sorts of loopholes they could probably exploit to not help me...

And yet! The wonderful person on the other side of the chat said not only could they help me, they could send me a brand new replacement free of charge.

So, a goddamn happy birthday to me! I just need to survive a few days without a phone, but I probably needed a detox anyway. What a delightful surprise.

-e

The Beatles

June 18th, 2025 - Having some coffee on a warm Wednesday morning

Most of my life I've had what I'd describe as an "agnostic" relationship to The Beatles. I wouldn't have called myself a "Beatles Fan" but I've understood that they were significant, knew the basic lore, knew all the greatest hits, etc. etc.

So when I put on Peter Jackson's "Get Back" docu-series a few weeks back I never expected it to grab me as deeply as it did. Weeks later I still find myself thinking back on it, I've been listening to Beatles music more, appreciating them, wanting to read more biographies...

I think the magical element for me was that the documentary, with its miraculously cleaned-up footage, managed to present these guys not as totemic figures of the musical landscape... but as just four really talented dudes in their 20s making music together. It made them feel accessible and human in a way that their mega-famous pop culture footprint never does.

Anyway, I highly recommend the documentary, and also The Beatles. Have you listened to them? Really great stuff, man.

-e